Jake: “Reporting to you from SiennaTigerlily’s bedroom, today is November 26, 2018, and it is a Monday, and my name is Jake the Ape. These are my co-hosts, Flopsy the White Bunny, and introducing to you, our two junior newscasters: my two other co-hosts, Lil Monkey the Brown Monkey and Blue Fuzz the Blue Dog. Peanuts the Elephant and Ducky Buttons the Yellow Duck are on a temporary leave of absence—in other words, they’re grounded for the foreseeable future—from newscasting because they blew the fuses to SiennaTigerlily’s house taking out the electricity and obviously the wi-fi with their “little party” that they had while she and her parents, and Flopsy and I were gone. And so we’re here to bring you the latest news from South Texas.
As usual, I’ll be covering the Weather News, Flopsy will be covering the Cooking News, and Lil Monkey will now be covering the Current News, and Blue Fuzz will now be covering the Fun/Weird News.
And so on to the Weather News. It is a clear 46 degrees, with a feel of 46, and today there was a high of 65 with a low of 46. Today there was a feel ranging from 70 to 46 degrees. The wind right now is a calm one, with a light wind having been present today. The wind will turn into a N one at 1AM and for the rest of the night, it will range from 1mph to 4mph. And so that’s all for the Weather tonight. See you next time.”
Lil Monkey: “And so today on the Current News, Albert the Bleeding Heart Monkey decided it was time to get himself a new heart. Or so he says. Reports say his doctor said to do it. Bailee the Common Raccoon has made it her business to know everyone else’s business, so don’t be surprised if you get a knock on the door sometime and it’s her acting like a reporter. Barrett the European Wild Cat got his tail tangled around a telephone pole when he was trying to impress a beautiful young European Wild Cat female, by showing her how many times he could wrap his tail around the pole. It took two hours for people to get his tail untangled from the pole. And unfortunately, he didn’t land the girl. And that’s it for the Current News everybody. See you later.”
Blue Fuzz: “And in the Fun/Weird News, things are definitely fun and weird. Bartholomew the Tokay Gecko saw a chance to go for the lottery and went for it, but then decided that instead of keeping the lottery tickets for himself he gave them to Becka the Groundhog. She really doesn’t need anymore lottery tickets as she still has the ones from the previous lottery. Continuing on. Bernard the Striated Heron says that he’ll be having his own race car very soon. And once he has it, he and Brant the White-Throated Kingfisher will go at it and see who wins the race. Unfortunately, we won’t know that because that’s in sports and guess who—Ducky Buttons—is not in and who knows when he will be back. We’ll just have to hope that Bernard doesn’t embarrass himself too much in his bid for victory. And lastly, Chandler the Asian Lion saw an opportunity to try out his wish for teaching when Darlene the Little Blue Penguin called in sick. His first day in teaching was quite interesting. Namely, because when the students heard who would be their substitute teacher, all managed to be “sick”, and so Chandler’s wish for teaching was clearly put out of existence. That’s all for the Fun/Weird News tonight. See you next time.”
Flopsy: “For today in the news according to Cooking, we have a new salad called the Bluestar’s Crossvine Root. It’s made up of, as the title says: the Bluestar, Culver’s Root, and the Crossvine. Sprinkle some Hair Grass over it as your “cheese” along with a dressing made from the Moth Orchid, Nolina, and the Pineapple Guava with some water and you’ve got a delicious meal. The Spring Star Flower is now a curry with a bit of Torch Ginger mixed in for a spicy, kind of sharp flavor. The Yew, the Wild Lilac, and the Water Lettuce make up the new pie, which has been named the Wild Water of Yew. The last scrumptious piece of cooking that we have for you today is a smoothie made from Society Garlic, Spirea, and Rhubarb. Add to that a pinch of sugar, and you’ve got sugary sweetness galore! That’s all in cooking, folks! Have a nice night!”
Jake, Blue Fuzz, Flopsy, and Lil Monkey: “That’s it for the news folks! Stay warm and goodnight!”
The End for today.