Lil Monkey: “Reporting to you from SiennaTigerlily’s bedroom, today is November 27, 2018, and it is a Tuesday, and my name is Lil Monkey the Brown Monkey. These are my co-hosts, Flopsy the White Bunny, Jake the Ape, and Blue Fuzz the Blue Dog. And so we’re here to bring you the latest news from South Texas.
And so on to the news:
Today in the Current News, Davena the Tawny Eagle made a deal with Casper the Eastern Box Turtle to buy Casper a new car for his birthday. The only problem was that Davena got Casper and Casper’s identical twin brother, Cashmere, confused. And so instead of Casper getting his Lamborghini for his birthday, Cashmere got it instead. Now, Casper and Cashmere are fighting over the car, with Davena having no idea what to do. Chloe the Eurasian Beaver and Jessica the Eurasian Badger had it out with each other at the local mall this morning over a sparkling red dress. Unfortunately, neither got the dress, because Chyna the European Stork swooped down and nabbed it. Clay the Black-Footed Ferret was booted out of his house this morning by his father, and so has to now make his way in the world. It’s about time. He’s been there well over a year now. And that’s all for the Current News folks! See you next time!”
Jake: “And now the weather for today. It is a partly cloudy 56 degrees with a feel of 56. There is a high of 70 with a low of 52 degrees, and the feel to go with that range of temperature is 65 to 53. There is a SE wind going right now, and will continue during the rest of the night, ranging from 2 mph to 4 mph, which it is at right now. It will also continue to be partly cloudy during the rest of the night. There is no rain forecasted until in the very early hours of the morning, at which time it will rise from 0% to 5%. That’s it for the weather everybody! See you later.”
Blue Fuzz: “This evening in the Fun/Weird News, Clem the Gila Monster and Deb the Western Lowland Gorilla were arrested today for having too much beer and causing a ruckus outside the bar where they got drunk. They were dancing and singing to the song of “I’m a Little Teapot”. Delta the Hawk got stopped at customs because they thought as a Hawk he would be riding on Delta, instead of understanding that Delta was his first name. They kept on insisting he needed to go see the Delta Airline agent to get it all straightened out so that he could buy a Delta ticket instead of keeping his Southwest ticket. He finally just instead said he was sorry for the confusion, and that Hawk was his first name, but they just got it screwed up on his ID card–that he had no last name, because he was an orphan–which of course he wasn’t, and so he was finally let through. And lastly, Edwin the Goliath Heron made sure everyone would remember him, by painting his name in giant neon orange letters on a huge flat land area. His name was written so big you could see it from outer space. Soon enough people were paying big money to fly into outerspace to see it and to take pictures of it. That’s the end of the Fun/Weird News today. We shall see you tomorrow.”
Flopsy: “In Cooking today, we’ll be covering new types of spaghetti, noodles, bread, pie, and wine. According to spaghetti, the Angel’s Trumpet Datura, the African Corn Lily, and a new type of noodles made from the Bismarck Palm, come together to create a new spaghetti. They’ve named it Angel’s Trumpet Corn Palm, and it will be out in stores tomorrow. In bread, the Blue Star Creeper and the Bracken with a bit of sugar make the Blue Star Bracken Bread which has become quite popular with the bread-lovers. For the new pie today, it’s made of Dumb Cane and a pinch of sugar, along with a sprig of Dwarf Morning Glory to give it an “elegant look”. The Dwarf Morning Glory does absolutely nothing for it, except to make it look prettier. The new wine is made out of the Voodoo Lily and the Venus’s Flytrap. This wine is for tricksters and ones who like to catch people in the act of doing something they’re not supposed to. It’s called the Voodoo Flytrap. Have fun with this one. Best served when chilled. That’s it in Cooking. See you next time.”
Jake, Flopsy, Lil Monkey, and Blue Fuzz: “Have a great rest of the night. And see you tomorrow!”
The End for today.