The Daily News from The Animal Quartet-December 10, 2018, Monday

Flopsy: “Reporting to you from SiennaTigerlily’s bedroom, today is December 10, 2018, and it is a Monday, and my name is Flopsy the White Bunny. These are my co-hosts, Jake the Ape, Blue Fuzz the Blue Dog, and Lil Monkey the Brown Monkey. We’re here to bring you the latest news from South Texas.

In the news tonight:

For the Cooking News, a new soup is now out at Olive Garden made out of the Abyssinian Banana, the Bittersweet plant, and sprinkles of Crassula to top it off. On the side of it a bread made out of the Dracaena and the Epimedium. Olive Garden has named the soup, Abyssbitcrass Soup and the bread is called Dracmed. There is a new wine made out of the Fishtail Palm, Globe Thistle, Hackberry, and the Indian Pink. It has a fishy smell to it, with a somewhat sickly sweet smell, as well. New waffles are made out of the Maidenhair Fern, the Oxalis plant, and sprinkles of the Peacock Ginger plant. That’s it for the Cooking News. See you next time.”

Lil Monkey: “In the Current News, Kent the Crested Porcupine got into an argument with Kermit the Blue Crane when both tried to use the same gas pump. Neither ended up using it, because in their arguing neither noticed Kingsley the Desert Tortoise drive up to the pump and use it instead. By the time they did notice, two more people were in line after Kingsley. Kermit and Kent finally gave up and found other gas pumps. Krista the Raccoon Dog opened up her own beauty salon, “The Fuzzy Beauties” and stocked it with make-up, perfumes, fake nails, and hired several ladies to work there. So far, her business is booming. She is still looking for more help, so if you’re interested, go by and talk with her. And lastly in the Current News, Lacey the Eastern Diamondback Rattlesnake made the mistake today of buying Ford truck. Who knows why she thought she would be able to drive, seeing as she’s a snake, but she thought so. Her “common sense” landed her in trouble. In trouble as in an accident. She rear-ended another car when leaving the dealership. So no one was hurt, but now she has to pay the damages for the other car, as well as her own, and her car payments. So that’s it for the Current News tonight. See you later.”

Jake: “Tonight in the Weather, it is a beautiful clear 43 degrees Farenheit with a feel of 43 degrees and a wind coming from the SSE at 1 mph. There was a high today of 80 with a low of 41, with a feel ranging from 80 to 39. It will continue to be a clear night for the rest of the night, with temperatures ranging from 42 to 43, with a feel ranging from 42 to 43. There will be no rain for the rest of the night, and at 4:00AM the wind will change from a SSE at 1 mph to calm for the rest of the night. And so that’s all for the Weather news tonight. See you next time.”

Blue Fuzz: “For the Fun/Weird News this evening, Lavena the Bat-Eared Fox did a genealogy on her family and found out to her shock, that she has bat DNA. She told her family and friends, and everyone was baffled at it, so the search is now on for their bat-related relatives. Lenox the Four-Striped Grass Mouse made his name when he was walking through the grass and went to save a fellow Four-Striped Grass Mouse from the nearby fast flowing river. Letha the Giraffe made new heights today when she was able to grab leaves and eat them from trees that were three stories high. For the final Fun/Weird News, there was a eight mile race between the different types of geese: Liddy the Andean Goose, Linford the Canada Goose, Lonnie the Cape Barren Goose, Lorelle the Cereopsis Goose, Lou the Egyptian Goose, Lynwood the Greylag Goose, Maddox the Knob-Nosed Goose, Mansel the Snow Goose, and Marnie the Spur-Winged Goose. There ended up being no winner, because the judges got Linford, Lonnie, and Lou confused, and ended up giving the trophy to Linford though Lonnie was the one who had won the race. By the time this was realized, Linford was off flying away to his summer home in the south with the trophy. And so the judges ruled the race a no-win because the trophy was gone. Instead as Lonnie’s prize they gave him a fifty dollar gift card to McDonald’s with a shake of the hand and congratulations on an amazing twenty feet win. And so that’s it for the Fun/Weird News tonight. See you tomorrow.”

Jake, Flopsy, Lil Monkey, and Blue Fuzz: “That’s it for the news tonight. Stay warm and we will see you tomorrow night.”

The End for today.

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