Flopsy: “Reporting to you from SiennaTigerlily’s bedroom, today is December 4, 2018, and it is a Tuesday, and my name is Flopsy the White Bunny. These are my co-hosts, Jake the Ape, Blue Fuzz the Blue Dog, and Lil Monkey the Brown Monkey. We’re here to bring you the latest news from South Texas.
And in the news tonight:
In the news according to Cooking, there is a new cake made from the Abelia plant and the Amaranth, with an icing made from the Bamboo plant, the Calla, and a teaspoon of the Dropseed. It will be out tomorrow at the Dessert Lounge. The Dyer’s Woad is now a new sugar, with the Fringe Tree being a new creamer. Add those two together into the new coffee made out of the Justicia plant and you’ve got one D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S coffee. The noodles of the new spaghetti Marlkacolat, is made out of the Marlberry plant, with Kale and Collards and Loquat added in for a tangy and sweet spicy flavor. Its ingredients are all available at your local Sprout’s, along with the recipe for it. That’s all for the Cooking. See you tomorrow.”
Lil Monkey: “For the Current News tonight, Ernest and Esme the European Storks welcomed three new little ones into the world this afternoon at four o’clock. They have two daughters—Francine and Gina—and a son, Garfield—to add to their three sons, Glen, Goodwin, and Grady. Hadyn the South African Hedgehog and Harley the Helmeted Guinea Fowl had a four mile race, and it was forecasted to be beautiful and sunny, though when the day came, there were showers upon showers. Mud upon mud. The two sloshed through it to tie. And so no winner, just two incredibly muddy racing opponents who had the rain showers wash away all the mud. To end the Current News for tonight, Carmina the Horned Puffin threw a temper tantrum today when she found out her favorite jello was not being carried at the grocery store anymore. There was much complaining, yelling, puffing, and to top it all off, she grew horns because of it. That’s it for the Current News, folks! See you next time.”
Jake: “The Weather tonight is a cloudy 61 degrees Farenheit with a feel of 61, and today being a high of 71 and a low of 53 degrees. It will remain partly cloudy for the rest of the night, with temperatures ranging from 63 to 62, and the feel being the same. There is a 5% chance of rain at 4AM, but other than that there’s no chance of rain. Right now, the wind is coming from the NNE at 3mph and will remain that way until 4AM, at which point, it will turn into a N wind at 4mph. That’s all for the weather tonight, everybody! See you later. Ugh, another boring night. Where’s all the thunderstorms, or what about snow?”
Blue Fuzz: “Quiet Jake! It’s my turn.”
Jake: “I was finishing up my forecast. What I can’t have extra commentary?”
Blue Fuzz: “No, not when it’s my turn.”
Jake: “I wasn’t done yet.”
Blue Fuzz: “Yes, you were. You said, I quote, ‘ “That’s all for the weather tonight, everybody! See you later” ‘. So yes, you were done.”
Jake: “No I wasn’t. I’ll say EXACTLY when I’m done. And I wasn’t done.”
Blue Fuzz: “You were done because you said so.”
Jake: “Was not.”
Blue Fuzz: “Yes.”
Blue Fuzz: “Yes.”
Flopsy and Lil Monkey (together): “You two quit it! The news is supposed to be going on. You’re squabbling like little children!”
Jake and Blue Fuzz (together): “Are not!”
Flopsy and Lil Monkey (together): “Yes!”
Jake and Blue Fuzz (together): “No!”
(I–SiennaTigerlily–walk in suddenly): “Quiet all of you! You’re supposed to be doing the news. Jake and Blue Fuzz apologize to each other and then Jake, since you have finished with your news part, sit in the corner. Same goes for you two, Flopsy and Lil Monkey.”
Blue Fuzz and Jake apologize to each other (together): “Sorry”.
(Jake, Flopsy, and Lil Monkey sit in their respective corners looking at me with puppy dog eyes).
Blue Fuzz, Flopsy, Jake, and Lil Monkey: “We’re sorry.”
Me (SiennaTigerlily): “You better be. Now back to the news. Go, Blue Fuzz.”
Blue Fuzz: “And so, pertaining to the Fun/Weird News this fine chill evening, Isidora the House Crow and Isidore the House Sparrow got into a fight when they found their houses were one and the same address. They hollered at each other and made such a ruckus, that a mediator had to be brought in. A compromise was unable to be reached and so neither got the house. Instead the house went to a neutral party—Gracie the Puma. How Gracie will get up there and settle into it is beyond us, because the house is already built. Jez the Carpet Python bought her own tree to coil up on, along with her very own bed—a large Turkish-made carpet laid between the branches of the tree like a hammock. And so she was happily settled into her new home. Bonnie and Clyde the Racer Snakes made off with some food from the grocery store, but two blocks away, Captain Reginald the Radiated Tortoise caught them in a high speed car chase. We have yet to know how Bonnie and Clyde were driving their Bronco, seeing as it was trying to buck its way to freedom. That’s it for the Fun/Weird News. See you next time.”
Flopsy, Jake, Blue Fuzz, and Lil Monkey: “That’s all for the news, folks! Have a great night and stay warm!”
The End for today.