Jake: “Reporting to you from SiennaTigerlily’s bedroom, today is December 1, 2018, and it is a Saturday, and my name is Jake the Ape. These are my co-hosts, Blue Fuzz the Blue Dog, Flopsy the White Bunny, and Lil Monkey the Brown Monkey. We’re here to bring you the latest news from South Texas.

And so to the news:

In the Weather tonight, it is a clear 58 degrees Farenheit with a feel of 58 and a high of 82 and a low of 56. The feel throughout the day has ranged from a crisp 73 in the morning to a slightly warm 82 degrees in the early afternoon and back down to a nice chill 68 degrees in the evening. There is no chance of rain tonight unfortunately. Right now, the wind is a SSE at 2 mph and will stay that way for the next hour, changing to a S wind at 1 mph and will stay that way for the rest of the night. And so a very a boring night in the news, folks! See you next time.”

Lil Monkey: “This evening in the Current News, Elwin the Red Kangaroo played pool with Fanny the Giant Girdled Lizard, and ended up beating Fanny 2-1. Flynn the Bonnet Macaque and Gabriella the Bonnet Macaque married in a private ceremony with family and a few friends. The ceremony was held on a beach at sunset. Gib the Water Moccasin made captain of his Debate Team at his high school. For his team’s first debate, it was on “Are They Stripes or Are They Rows?”. His team won the debate, and they went out for drinks at the Stripes and Bikes Bar. And so that’s all for the Current News! See you tomorrow.”

Blue Fuzz: “The Fun/Weird News kicks off with Glory the Miner’s Cat running the rocky ways of the caves with her friend, Hadley the Miner’s Cat. Glory won the race with five feet to spare. Harvey the Black Kite became a professor of the class “Flying the Skies” at the University of the Kites’ Skies. He had a variety of students besides Black Kites. Those other students included Black Vultures, Secretary Birds, Cattle Egrets, and for some reason a Cheetah. Ivor the Toddy Cat made a scene at the grocery store when he was unable to buy his favorite type of meat for a cheaper price than what it was. There was a very big temper tantrum of complaining and yelling, and he was finally escorted from the store, by the store’s security, a pair of identical twin Chameleons, by the names of Iggy and Ilbert. And that’s it for the Fun/Weird News tonight! See you next time.”

Flopsy: “When it comes to Cooking, there is a new bread out called the Natural Avens Bread made from the Avens plant. Add a dollop of Basil mixed with Peanut Butter, called Basil Peanut Butter and you have a scrumptious snack waiting for you to eat it. The Canna Merlot wine—made from the Canna plant—with a curry made from Cupid’s Dart and the Evergreen Wisteria—makes for a delicious meal, which is also quite expensive when served at restaurants. However, it can also be quite easily made at home, and be just as delicious. You’ll find the recipe for it and many of our other dishes and drinks, etc. mentioned on here in the book “Plants and Their Meals” now out on shelves at Barnes & Noble bookstores. And lastly, the cake made of Winter Hazel and Wandflower, with an icing of Yarrow, and sprinkles from the Zebra Plant make a beautiful and yummy birthday cake. That’s it for Cooking tonight! See you tomorrow.”

The End for today.