Jake: “Reporting to you from the house in the Sam Houston National Forest near Montgomery, TX, which is near Houston, today is November 21, 2018 and it is a Wednesday, and my name is Jake the Ape, and these are my co-hosts: Flopsy the White Bunny, Ducky Buttons the Yellow Duck, and Peanuts the Elephant. SiennaTigerlily is on vacation for her and her sister’s birthday—and Thanksgiving—from today until Sunday up here in the national forest. They and their parents, and her sister’s husband will be attending the Renaissance Festival on Saturday most likely. And so because we’re not going to be in South Texas for the next several days, we’ll be reporting on the news from around here. Also, Flopsy and I are the only ones who managed to cram ourselves into SiennaTigerlily’s suitcase without her noticing. So unfortunately, Ducky Buttons and Peanuts are not here with us. Rather they’re at home partying, though for the news we will be Facetiming with them.
And so in the news today:
The weather will be covered from what it was in South Texas this morning when she and her parents left at about 10AM to now in the Sam Houston National Forest. And so in the morning in South Texas it was a brisk 54 degrees, and wet and nasty and cold. On the way up to the Sam Houston National Forest from South Texas, it ranged from a high of 50 degrees to a low of 51 degrees. It was windy the whole way up, and wet and nasty and cold—the weather followed them up there. It was waiting for them. Boo! Now that you’ve been scared by the wet and nasty and cold weather we’ll give you some more chilly weather news. The feel ranges from 49 degrees to 52 degrees, with a NE wind of 1 mph and changes to a ENE 2 mph wind. For the rest of the night it stays an E wind ranging from 2mph to 3 mph. There is a 60% chance of rain at the moment, with that chance changing to a range of 15% to 45% for the rest of the night. And so that’s all in the weather folks! Stay warm.”
Ducky Buttons: “Today in sports news, we’ll be covering the ultimate frisbee, skateboarding, and scuba diving. When it comes to the sport of the ultimate frisbee, the all-time winner is Jerome the Alpaca. No one has yet beat him. Though now his record of 10 time winner of the ultimate frisbee has ended. Today Jerome went up against Earl the Nile Crocodile. Jerome missed the catch and so it ended with Earl at 10, and Jerome at 9. The cousins, Waldo the Komodo Dragon and Ralph the Western-Bearded Dragon went at each other in the most dirty game of ultimate frisbee that has ever been seen. Because it had rained a couple hours before and was quite a heavy rain, there was more than enough mud. And mud was flying everywhere. It was a tie—both ending at 8-8, and with plenty of scratches and bruises and scrapes from falling on the ground and against each other. In skateboarding today, Jade the Eastern Box Turtle and Dalia the Snowy Egret skated against each other in a 2 mile race. Jade won by 5 feet. The second skateboarding race was Richie the Flying Fox against Xavier the Gerbil. Amazingly Xavier won, even though Richie tried to pull a foul. Just goes to show, Gerbils really do rock at skateboarding. (It was formerly thought that they didn’t do well in it). And lastly, today in scuba diving, Rita the Giraffe and Marge the Mountain Goat competed against each other. It is unknown to us all how these two figured they could possibly do scuba diving. They were unable to put the masks on, and so because of that, they were both immediately scratched. And so in the second scuba diving competition it wasn’t much better. At least this time, it was Artie the Harbor Seal going up against Marshall the Snow Goose. At least we have one animal who actually does go in the water and the other one is at least sometimes in the water, even if it is just for his food. However, even though we had two more likely competitors, the competition was still scratched because though Marshall could get the mask on, he couldn’t keep it on. Poor guy kept hyperventilating and seeing things. I think someone needs to get their vision checked. And that’s all in sports, everybody. Have a great rest of the night.”
Peanuts: “In the celebrity news, Danny the Greater Roadrunner completed their first ever movie with Benny the Coyote. It’s called “Dash of the Mad One”. A movie of the Coyote and the Greater Roadrunner has been long-awaited and finally producers found the perfect actors for it. The movie comes out in theatres in 3 days. The opera singer, Kristianna the Grey Fox, sang so shrilly today in her performance of “The One to Whom I Belong” she shattered the glass windows of the Opera House of Viola and had to pay 5,000 Euros to have them replaced. The Opera House of Viola belongs to the European opera company, Waldorf and Sons Incorporated. The classical singer, Mariana the Green Vine Snake, made her appearance in the movie “Coiled Around You”, singing her very own number “Kick the Stones”. And last today in the celebrity news, Indra and Larry the Honey Badgers married in a large ceremony of friends, family, and everyone famous they could think of. The ceremony was cast live at 3PM on Channel 6, and took 5 hours, because Indra and Larry kept on insisting they didn’t have enough people there at the ceremony to make it worth it to cast it live. And so finally, after they had counted everyone up and it was found that there were 2,000 people at the ceremony they said the ceremony could begin. In the end, their whole wedding—including the live cast of it—cost well over 2 million dollars. And so that ends the celebrity news for today, folks. Have a great day!”
Flopsy: “For the cooking news today, we have some positively delightful dishes for you. First off, there’s the new pie of the African Daisy with a sprig of the American Mistletoe. With the pie hot, add to that a whipped topping made from a mixture of the Anise Tree and the Apple and you have a delightful dessert for a chilly winter night such as this one! A new sugar made out of the Hawaiian Tree Fern and the Giant Reed come together to be put into the new coffee from the Hardy Rubber Tree. The creamer to go with that is either the liquid creamer from the Katsura Tree and milk or the powdered creamer made from the Moor Grass. A new cake of Okra and Persian Shield with an icing from the Russian Sage makes a perfect birthday cake. Hint, hint SiennaTigerlily. And lastly in cooking, the new soup made from the Turtlehead and the Umbrella Pine is now out in restaurants for you to try. And that’s all in cooking, everybody! See you next time!”
Peanuts, Jake, Flopsy, and Ducky Buttons: “Have a wonderful restful night, folks! Stay warm, it’s going to be very CHILLY tonight. See you tomorrow!”