The Daily News from The Animal Quartet-November 20, 2018, Tuesday

Ducky Buttons: “Reporting to you from SiennaTigerlily’s bedroom, today is November 20, 2018, and it is a Tuesday, and my name is Ducky Buttons the Yellow Duck, and I am reporting today, and these are my co-hosts: Jake the Ape, Flopsy the White Bunny, and Peanuts the Elephant. We’re here to bring you the latest news from South Texas.

And to begin in the news:

When it comes to sports today, we’ll be covering weightlifting, wrestling, and running. In weightlifting, Mac the Capybara and Cash the Cape Wild Cat were up against each other for the first weightlifting competition. Cash and Mac were equally pitted against each other, though in the end, Cash ended up taking the gold, as well as, pulling a muscle in his back. The second competition was Kerry the Crown of Thorns Starfish against Gina the Dingo. It didn’t last long. Kerry refused to compete because she said the weight was made by the wrong company. The weight wasn’t made by the company whose weights she uses. And so because of that, she said she couldn’t compete. Gina made the excuse that her coat had to look perfect in such a way that if it didn’t, she’d never win. Women. Very depressing. And now in wrestling, Jimmy the Wapiti Elk and Ken the Emerald Green Tree Boa went at each other. The match ended all too soon, because though Ken took Jimmy down, Ken got himself tangled around Jimmy. It took time, but finally Jimmy was maneuvered out of the hold and then came the untangling of Ken. Three hours later he was finally untangled. Ridley the Emu and Ulysses the European Stork were at it once again. I have no idea how these two decided wrestling was their thing but they did. There was a lot of lunging and pecking on Ridley’s part and a lot of flapping of wings and a little flying on Ulysses’s part. I don’t know what you call this but it isn’t wrestling. Depressing. And last, in running, Ace the Fairy Penguin and Mace the Peregrine Falcon were in the first race. It was a 3 mile one. These two aren’t runners at all. Ace waddled and Mace did something of a waddle/walk. There was no winner–it was a tie. And both agreed that there would be no need of a re-match. They saw that the result would turn out the same. Malcom the Frog and Rawley the Fringe-Eared Oryx were in the second race, this one a 5 mile one. It ended before it even had a chance to begin. Malcom admitted defeat because he couldn’t run. And so Rawley has to go and find another running opponent. More on that later. That’s all for sports today folks! See you next time!”

Peanuts: “Today in the celebrity news, the pop singer, Quincy the Galapagos Albatross, completed his first album “Fly to Sea”. It will be out in stores in two days. Fernie and Grady the Quails welcomed 5 new little ones into the world today. They have two sons, Luke and Embry, and three girls, Eden, Lola, and Mandy. Jeb the Giant Anteater moved down to Venezuela to be with his family. He and his family bought a grassland in southern Venezuela and then opened a restaurant on the edge of it, naming it “The Lagoon of the Giant Anteater”. And that’s all in celebrity news at this time. See you tomorrow!”

Flopsy: “And in cooking this fine day, we have something to warm you up. It’s a new tea, with the combination of Castor Bean, Calla, and Dahlia. Add to that a tablespoon of sugar, and it’s wonderful! That sugar covers up that horrible sour taste immediately. It’s a very healthy tea, so put sugar in it and drink it. Ignore the imaginary sourness. There’s a new candy made from the Dancing Girl Ginger and the Endive. A tart but sweet taste. The Goat’s Beard, Honey Locust, and Hibiscus have now been blended together to make a wonderful salad. The Larch and the New Zealand Flax make its accompanying dressing, with some shredded up Oleander and Sweet Gum sprinkled on top to give it that extra wonderful “kick” that all salads and their dressings must have. That’s all in cooking today folks! Have a great day!”

Jake: “This is obviously coming incredibly late, which we all apologize about. But anyway, on to the weather. It is a cloudy 58 degrees, with a feel of 58. Finally, the temperature and the feel are the same, instead of being several degrees difference. For the rest of the night, there will be a chance of rain ranging from 0% to 15%, with a feel of 55 to 57. Well there’s a mistake, looks like the actual temperature and the feel are going to be different. Anyways–”

Peanuts: “Would you stop complaining about how cold it is, Jake? You’re inside a heated house for heaven’s sake. Just tell the weather.”

Jake: “I am. I can’t have my own comments in there?”

Ducky Buttons: “No you can’t, Jake. This is the news. We tell it as is and now continue.”

Jake: “All right, all right. I’m going. So back to the weather, the wind will range from a NW to a NNW wind for the rest of the night being from 5 mph to 7 mph. And that’s all for the weather everybody. See you next time.”

Peanuts, Jake, Ducky Buttons, and Flopsy: “Have a great night, folks! See you tomorrow and stay warm!”

The End for today.

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