Peanuts: “Reporting to you today from SiennaTigerlily’s bedroom, today is November 19, 2018, and it is a Monday, and my name is Peanuts the Elephant, and I am reporting today, and these are my co-hosts: Jake the Ape, Ducky Buttons the Yellow Duck, and Flopsy the White Bunny. And we’re here to bring you the latest news from South Texas.
And so to the news:
In celebrity news this fine cool day, Jinny the Asian Lion completed her documentary movie, “The Way to Here and There” and will be presenting it at the Land and Sea Theatre later today at 6PM. Lisa the Arctic Ground Squirrel retired from singing her pop music that has been so popular with the younger generation of Arctic Ground Squirrels and moved to Northern British Columbia. Once there, she bought a burrow on the shore of Kootenay Lake for 100,000 Canadian dollars. The Chacma Baboon sisters, Callie and Cassie, star in their first movie together, “Outside the Land”. Rock singer, Millie the Sloth, announced her new album “Fast is the New Slow” which will be out in stores in two days. Patrick the Barking Gecko got arrested today because he couldn’t control his bark. When police tried to question him, they couldn’t understand him and had to get a translator. Two hours later, with a translator they found out he was trying to get to his studio to record his band’s new album, “The New Bark”. Their album comes out in 6 months. And that’s all in celebrity news, folks! Have a great day, and stay warm.”
Ducky Buttons: “Today in sports we’ll be covering surfing, table tennis, and tennis. And now to surfing. Jerry the Black Swan has insisted he can surf, and so after much begging, the committee finally said he could enter the competition. So the first competition was against Jerry the Black Swan and Eddie the Frilled Shark. Though Eddie is obviously a water creature he didn’t stand a much better chance than Jerry of surfing. Either way, they took their waves. Eddie beat Jerry though just barely. Their surfing is abysmal–they both desperately need to go into another sport. The second competition was Marla the Giant Spider Crab against Tammy the Atlantic Wolffish. The second competition wasn’t much better than the first. Marla almost immediately fell off her board and sank straight to the bottom and so had to be rescued by the lifeguards who weren’t happy at all that someone so ill-prepared went out there in the first place. Tammy just wasn’t suited to surfing at all. Who knows why she even tried out. And so very depressing in surfing. Hopefully next time, we’ll actually have some surfers to look out for. And so on to table tennis. Harry the Fangtooth Fish went up against Rocky the Six-Gill Shark. It was a high-flying time for both of them with the ball going all over the table. Rocky beat Harry 10-2. Nathaniel the Giant Tube Worm and Luke the Mexican Boa were at each other’s throats. The ball was whipped back and forth across the table and these two have now made table tennis the most popular game. The two tied so there was no winner. A re-match will be later this evening at 10PM. In tennis today, Larry the Chimpanzee and Randy the Chilean Flamingo beat each other into pulps. Larry beat Randy 18-2. The second game in tennis was Casanova the Chipmunk against Cody the Wolf. These two legendary rivals flew across the court–their bodies a blur. The match lasted 5 hours with neither giving way. It was only when they were Casanova (15) and Cody (14), that the match ended. Casanova got a foul and so the game went to Cody, and it ended there. Cody with 16 and Casanova with 15. Well done, Cody! That’s all in sports today, folks! Have a great day!”
Jake: “This evening in the weather, it is a chilly 53 degrees with a feel of 50, and a high of 55 and a low of 52. It will be cloudy for the rest of the day, with a definite chill in the air. The feel for the rest of the day ranges from 50 to 53, with a continuous NNW ranging from 7mph to 9mph. Pretty boring today in the weather folks! See you tomorrow!”
Flopsy: “In the cooking news today, a new curry made out of the Crocus plant, the Bottlebrush, and some Cayenne Pepper come together to create the Spicy Crobrush. Very spicy! For those of you who don’t like spicy foods stay away from this one! The English Daisy, the Firespikes, and cinammon combine to create a new coffee fit for a princess. It’s called the English Fire Coffee. Enjoy! The Gas Plant is now a new candy. But be careful, it does cause you to have actual gas. But boy is it sweet. So you have to decide: do you want the sweetness or not? Because if you want the sweetness you will suffer with mild gas. The Horsetail is now a new wine. A white wine actually. The first of its kind. The Horsetail Moscato is out in stores tomorrow! And so that’s all for the cooking everyone! Settle in for the cold weather, because it ain’t going anywhere.”
Peanuts, Jake, Flopsy, and Ducky Buttons: “Have an awesome day folks! And once again, stay warm!”
The End for today.