Jake: “Reporting to you from SiennaTigerlily’s bedroom, today is November 17, 2018 and it is a Tuesday, and my name is Jake the Ape, and these are my co-hosts: Flopsy the White Bunny, Ducky Buttons the Yellow Duck, and Peanuts the Elephant. We’re here to bring you the latest news from South Texas.

To start off:

In the weather today, it is 2PM and it’s a cloudy 79 degrees with a feel of 82 degrees here in South Texas. The high for today is 79, with a low of 66, with a feel from 69 to 82 degrees. It is cloudy throughout the day, with a chance of rain ranging from 5% to 35%. The wind today will be a constant 11mph SE wind from 2PM to 5PM. At 6PM, that changes to a ESE wind at 8 mph and continues to be a ESE wind and when 7PM rolls around it decreases to 7 mph. From then on its basically a ESE wind then a SE wind ranging 4 mph to 7 mph. That’s all for the weather folks! More tomorrow! See you then!”

Ducky Buttons: “And in sports today we’ll be looking at boxing, diving, and fencing. Today in boxing Lenny the Cockatoo and Todd the Genet went at it. Lenny pounded Todd into the ground and won the match 3-2! Good going, Lenny. Take aspirin, Todd. You’ll need it after that match. Arnie the Finch and Wilmer the Cougar had their turn at each other, but unfortunately there was no winner. It was a tie because Wilmer pulled a foul. There will be a re-match of these two at 5PM. Hopefully Wilmer won’t pull another foul. That was his term of having a temper tantrum. Having to do with diving Cassie the Crab and Laura the Cottonmouth went up against each other. Amazingly, Cassie got the perfect dive! There was no way Laura could do better than that. Eddie the Porcupine and Whitley the Saltwater Crocodile had their turn at the diving. Whitley pulled it off wonderfully, with Eddie doing a very sloppy dive. It looks like Eddie didn’t practice his diving. Either way, good job Whitley. And Eddie, go practice! Now on to fencing. Alfred the Crowned Eagle and his half-brother, Richie the Crowned Hawk-Eagle, were in the first fencing match of the day. The two are equally matched and it was a puzzle to figure out who would win. In the end, Richie won 7-6. Good going, Richie! Ellen the Red Deer and Mary the Roe Deer matched skills today. The cousins are friendly rivals, and so when Mary won with 6-5, there was shaking of hands and and a “see you next time”. And that’s all in sports today folks! See you next time!”

Peanuts: “Today in celebrity news, Harvey the Tasmanian Devil got injured when he was doing his own stunt in his new movie “The Wilds of Down Under”. He sustained a minor fracture, but will be back to the movie after a week of healing. Or so he says. We shall see how he is in a week. Right now, he’s hospitalized and in stable condition. Addie the Rock Dove and her cousin, Natalie the White-Winged Dove, went into business together to start their own jewelry shop called “Jewels of the Dove” with a bakery business on the side with the name of “The Sweet Dove’s Bakery”. Addie starred in the movie “Fly High from the Rocks” from 2017 and Natalie starred in “Catching the Winged Ones” from 2016. Josh the Downy Woodpecker finally finished building his home in the most expensive oak tree in the neighborhood of Woodpecker Grove. He bought it for 2.5 million dollars. He and his wife Kensey the Woodpecker and their three children, Franny, Kaley, and David move in in one month. And lastly, Mandy the American Crocodile has moved to Southern Florida and bought her own mangrove swamp with plenty of banks to rest upon for 1.8 million dollars. And that’s all in celebrity news, folks! See you next time!”

Flopsy: “And in cooking today the African Violet and the Abyssinian Banana are combined into a new candy called the Violet Banana. It has a sweet but tart taste to it. The Amethyst Flower, Asian Greens, Begonia, the Birch, and the Bird of Paradise have been turned into a new salad by the name of “Greenie Sweets”, with a new cheese made from the Butterfly Bush and the Cape Primrose with a bit of milk. This new cheese is called the Cabuprim. To top the salad off, you use the new salad dressing made from the Chain Fern. The Douglas Fir has now been made into pancakes with a bit of Dawn Redwood mixed in for some flavor and a syrup made from the Hop Tree. There’s a new coffee made from the Four O’clock flower, which when brewed at four o’clock with a bit of Inula added is quite good. And lastly is a new smoothie made from the Madagascar Jasmine, the Plumbago, the Rain Lily, and the Spider Plant. Put it all together with a little more than a cup of water and 5 ice cubes to make it cold and you’ve got an excellent snack! Enjoy these new foods! See you tomorrow.”

Peanuts, Jake, Flopsy, and Ducky Buttons: “Have a great day, and see you tomorrow, everybody!”

The End for today.